Existential dread for breakfast

The water for my coffee is almost ready, just as I will be to start another day. I Pour the steaming water on my french press and mix the coffee beans at the Rhythm of The Clash, but as I mix the water to that crazy Casbah sound, my mind drifts away.

If not here, where am I? searching for answers to the questions that keep haunting me. I search for the meaning of life and search for my own purpose, not a purpose or a meaning given to me by some cosmic being or the current society I live on. If not a universal truth my hope Is that I will find my own way some day.

But damn, this is such a struggle, it's a battle not against my demons but against something I call the void. The awareness that my existence is so insignificant compared to the immensity of time and the feeling of being alone on this battle for none else seems to be aware of how insignificant we are. When I ask for answers to others I often get short replies that feel more like a copy-paste of something than an actual opinion, there is very few people in this world that I can talk about this kind of topics and I am very grateful for having them on my life, wouldn't change you for all the money in the world.

I seek purpose and meaning because I have the strange feeling that my life will be shorter than usual, maybe is just in my head but being fully conscious of how brief and fragile life is I want to live it to the fullest. Becoming who I am meant to be is part of the process, a human driven not by the expectations of others but by my own.

This search for meaning comes with a cost, the void with it's shapeless form is always lurking at every corner of my mind, reminding me of how small we are and trying to convince me to give up on my quest, but giving up is giving up on life. There is no guarantee that I will find what I am looking for, but if I ever do I hope I'll be free. Until then I'll do what I can, resist the void, try to be true and try to be a light in the darkness for those who are lost like me.

My coffee is ready, and a voice pulls me out of this philosophical wrestling, it's a tie. Now my day has begun, so much to do I better hurry.